June 14 Reflections

For years I struggled with and sometimes still do the idea and thought that I am not enough. I am never quite enough. I am inadequate. Not everyone likes me nor do they like the job I am doing. In my mind there are always subtle hints that if only you were better our church or organization would be a lot better. Why can’t you be like the pastor down the street or on TV? So, to compensate I would often go on a massive campaign to please everyone so that they would think I am wonderful or to compensate I would leave before someone asked me to leave. This chronic anxiety of thinking I am not enough is like background noise that is below the surface in my life affecting how I show up in all situations. Without intentional self-awareness work this background noise can be unnoticed but completely in control of my life.

As we saw last week sometimes the anxiety is caused by someone else. The Pharaoh instead of seeing the Children of Israel as a blessing saw them as a threat. In his anxiety he forced them into slavery. Yet some did not get caught up in his anxiety, their hearts were set on the living God. For instance, the midwives in last week’s passage and in today’s passage Amram and Jochebed the parents of Moses did not give in to the prison of the Pharaoh’s anxiety. Instead each based their worth, identity, and security in the living God and chose actions opposed to the edicts of Pharaoh. They did not try to please him, rather their actions were based on who they were.

The chronic anxiety that I face…I am not enough…must be faced with the truth of the living God who says I made  you…I love you…I delight in you, I rejoice over you.” I am enough. I do not have to prove it…or earn it. I simply need to rest in the truth; letting this truth sink into my subconscious to quiet the background noise.

As you think about it, what would be the background noise of your life? The chronic anxiety that is below the surface yet affecting all that you do. Things like…I am not enough…I am a loser…I am a nobody…I don’t count…I am a failure…I have to win at everything. The truth of the living God who loves you must be constantly brought to mind fighting the chronic anxiety. For instance I have notecards somewhat like flashcards that say things such as: I am enough; I am completely accepted by God; I am valuable; my thoughts count; I am strong in Christ; I am loved by God; I am a delight to God; I am resting in Jesus. I run through these cards often to remind myself of who I am and bring the anxiety level way down.

Anxiety in systems and in individuals is what we will look at this week in the story of the birth of Moses as we think about a big God with an even bigger plan.  Some possible passages to read: Exodus 2:1-10; Isaiah 40: 25-31; Philippians 4:4-7.

Grace upon Grace,

Pastor Verlyn